Good old Madras.

As my Hindi-speaking north-Indian friends often point out, Madras is a lazy, hyper-conservative boring city. Before you nod your head in agreement; beware!! I will say whatever I want to say about 'my' city. If 'you' utter one wrong word about Madras, prepare to get your ass whipped!!
Ha ha, I am just kidding. I will take any comment about Madras. Good or Bad.

As I write this post, I have completed one year in the United States. Also, I am 24 hours away from going back to my Madras!! In this post I hope to pen some of my thoughts about this city.

Comparing Madras with other Indian cities like Bombay or Delhi is difficult. But I hope that the following hypothetical situation will give you an idea.

Scenario:
Imagine a busy Indian road at 9 am in the morning. Peak hour traffic. A man in a car drives rashly and bangs into a scooter riding in front. Traffic comes to a stand-still. Till this point, the story could have happened in any Indian city. But what follows cannot be more different.
Delhi
If this had happens in Delhi, the car driver would bash the biker to death. Then, he and his friends would proceed to gang-rape the bike's pillion rider (biker's wife). Of course NDTV will be complete coverage.
Mumbai:
As stated previously traffic would NOT have come to a stand still. The biker will just get up, dust his shirt and proceed to his office. The car driver would have already been long gone. Frankly, I don't understand this city. Even if a series of bomb-blasts rip through Mumbai, people will still be in their offices by 9am.
Calcutta
It would so happen that the biker is a daily wages labourer in a near-by factory. The Leftist will promptly call for a 3-day state wide bundh. Everyone will then sit at home, eat gulob jamun and watch Sourav Ganguly play.
Banglore:
The biker will be a software developer working in TCS. He will just wipe his shirt, smile and say sorry (for no fault of his). The car driver will turn out to be a 'true' kanadiga. He will get a bunch of friends from Mysore; smash all shops in Brigade road. Then they will proceed to shout some random slogans like "all non-kanadigas get out of Bangaluru" and "don't give water to Tamil Nadu".
Chennai
The car driver will ask the biker if he has 'informed-his-house-before-embarking-on-this-journey'. (u need to know Tamil to understand that).
The biker will get really angry. He will call up his office; ask for half-a-day leave. Then he will write an angry letter to the editor of 'The Hindu' and sign it off as the 'Indignant Tax-Payer'. (Of course, if he belongs to one of the 2394 backward castes, all hell will break loose!! Then our hero Dr. Ramdoss with come into picture).

From the above comparison, I am NOT trying to say Madras is any better than the other cities. Each city has its pros and cons. (Except of course Delhi which is a land of rapist!!)

Moving on, I will share two unforgettable images of Madras that I have.

1) It was the December of 1992. 'Hindutva' emotions were running high across the country. A bunch of goons demolished Babri Masjid on the 6th. Thousands of innocent people (both Hindus and Muslims) were massacred. All of India was burning. Except our Madras. Here, people were busy with the December 'Kutcheri' season. (Of course some people were shouting slogans. But they were asking for increase in reservation.)

2) I forgot the year. It was the fifth day of India-Pak test match at Chepauk stadium, Chennai. India required 272 runs to win (fourth innings). Sachin, fighting Wasim Akram and a stiff back, scored a masterful century. I was there. In the stadium. A tiny dot amongst 40 thousand Sachin fans. Totally against run or play, HE got out. Within the next 10 minutes the whole Indian batting collapsed and Pakistan had won the test match. What followed has been too well documented. The Chepauk crowd gave a 'standing ovation' to Pakistan. As I was physically present in the stadium, I think I know better. There were three sets of people in the stadium after India lost the match. The first set, like yours truly, stood up merely to strech our cramped legs. The second set of people, like my father, stood up in a hurry hoping to beat the crowd to the parking lot. The third set stood up to applaud Sachin NOT to Pakistan. We were wrongly perceived to be a sporting crowd giving the Pakistanis' a standing ovation. And we happily accepted that image.
To cut a long story short, whatever be our motive for standing up, it never struck any of us to boo at the Indian team or throw stuff at the Pakistani team. We had just enjoyed a great game of Cricket.

And I end this post like this. Quite abruptly. Without proclaiming that Madras is the best. For, being the true Madrasi, I will never be so arrogant as to proclaim my city to be better than yours.

~RV

Me, Myself and TR

The following blog post is a little complicated and abstract (Read: Badly written). Hence it needs your utmost attention for full understanding.

If you have ever seen K Balachandar films you will know that we all have an 'athma' or 'alter ego' who shows up in the mirror whenever we go through mental trauma. Ok. It also comes in spiderman movies. As I start this blog, I am going through such severe mental crisis and depression. For the sake of this blog, whatever is written INSIDE BRACKET is what my 'alter ego' is telling me. Everything else is what I am saying.
OK. Now that we have got the intro out of the way, lets get down to the sad happening of my life in the past two days.

Things that you need to know to understand this blog:
1) In orkut, on top of every profile there are three sets of symbols.The first set (smileys) says how trustworthy you are. The second set (ice cubes) says how cool you are. And the third set (hearts) says how sexy you are. These ratings are what your friends, co-orkut-users, give you. (Dei vetti naye, except you I don't think even the most ardent Orkut user would have noticed these things. Seri what about those....)
2) Here is a picture of T Rajender, fondly referred to as 'Teddy' Rajender by his fans. He is a Tamil film hero. He is especially good in youthful, romantic roles.
(Dei RV, it is this sarcasm that has caused you so much pain and sadness. Tell them what you really think of Teddy Rajender... go on). OK, alter ego. I really think T Rajender is the result of a 'human-chimpanzee cross evolution' experiment that went horribly wrong. If I ever get a time machine, I would go back and give his parents some contraceptives. (Oh common. He is not that bad. Due to the happenings of the last two days, you have become very cruel in your comments about T Rajender.)

Alright. As on most days, last tuesday I was feeling completely bored in office. After staring at a blank wall for a couple of hours I decided to revamp my orkut profile and give it 'my character'. My friends will tell you that I am sarcastic and that (I think) I have a dry sense of humor. So I wrote an extremely sarcastic 'about me'. The motif of the 'about me' was to take a dig at all those 'random' call center and BPO guys who were bombarding my sister's scrap book with friend requests. I also thought that my photo should match my 'about me'. So I put a close-up picture of 'Teddy' Rajender. Before putting the pic, my 'peer ratings' (Read: sexy rating) was a modest 60% (dei nayee, poi soladha) ok 50% (deeeiiii) ok.. it was a pathetic 40%. Anyways, after putting Teddy's Pic it zoomed up to a not-so-bad 70%.
This is atleast OK. I would have conveniently blamed it on Orkut errors. But I lost all enthu to live when a long lost friend scrapped me the following message: "Hey RV. How are you man? Long time. I see that you have started growing a beard. It really suits you. You look a lot better with the beard."
What the hell!! Enna koduma saravana!!
This leeds us to our 'Question Of The Day'. Type QOTD, space, and '1' OR '2' OR '3'. And sent the message to any convenient 4-digit number of you choice.

Which of the following statement is most accurate and closest to the truth.
1) T Rajender is chooo chweet!!
2) RV!! You are the handsome dude. You rock. (Alter ego: Krrrr..thuuu)
3) T Rajender looks like 'Taar Road' in a second world war battlefield. But RV, you are even more ugly....
4) What the f**k!! I dont care. (Dei manga. Dont you think that this is the winning choice?? )

Makkale (dear friends). Please vote immediately. Based on your answer, I have to decide between
(a) continuing to love Genelia and Shriya
(b) commiting suicide.

Nandri Hai.
RV